The Faith in the Dream
by penandra
Summary: Takes place in Season 5 the night after "The Parts in the Sum of the Whole."  Brennan has an unexpected visitor that offers some guidance.


_A/N: My second fan fiction. Thanks to NatesMama for her quick beta reading and encouragement. The reference to the undercover work of B&B is for the story "Bull Over A Barrel."_

_I do not own Bones, Booth, or the song cited (or BOAB;-). If I did that entire conversation at the Hoover would have gone differently!_

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><p>Damn that Sweets anyway. He just keeps pushing and pushing. Booth never listens to him, why did he pick tonight to listen and then say what he said? We would be fine if Sweets would just have kept his mouth shut.<p>

"I'm that guy, Bones. I'm that guy."

She heard him over and over echoing in her mind. Everything inside of her wanted to be what he needed. She longed to take that step forward into his arms. But, years and years of building walls and hiding behind them immobilized her keeping her from accepting what he was offering. Years of fear and protecting herself from being abandoned again held her rooted in place. She wanted to convince herself that they would be okay, that she would be okay. That she could give him everything. But she was so damaged. She knew that she was damaged. She wanted to be different. But she didn't know how.

Over and over and over, she just kept hearing his words, "I'm that guy, Bones. I'm that guy."

Thirty, forty, fifty years? She couldn't make that promise. She had no way of knowing about thirty or forty or fifty years. And then his other words, "I have to move on." But they would be okay, wouldn't they? They had to be okay, they had walked off the mall arm in arm. They had to be okay.

No longer able to hold back the tears, she gave in to her emotions and what she was afraid his words might mean. She'd been successful at not crying as he walked her back to her car. But here, alone in her apartment, she couldn't hold them in anymore. Even as she let her tears fall the scientist in her was noticing her reactions. "This must be what people meant when they talked about having a broken heart" she thought. Although it wasn't physically possible, the pain in her chest felt like her heart was literally breaking.

Numbly walking through the apartment, Brennan got undressed and ready for bed on auto pilot. She pulled on the Phillies jersey Booth had given her and wrapped her arms around herself. Padding into the bathroom, she avoided looking at herself in the mirror as she brushed her teeth and washed her face. He'd said, "I have to move on." What does that even mean? They'd both dated other people in the time that they'd known each other. But she was honest enough with herself to admit that she didn't like it when he dated other women.

It was times like this that she really felt the abandonment that she thought she had accepted and resolved. She thought that when Russ and her Dad had come back into her life that she'd worked through all of this. With tears again streaming down her cheeks, she realized that it was times like this when she really missed her Mom. This must be what Booth was trying to tell her when he took her to her mother's grave at the cemetery. She knew she was just feeling sorry for herself. And even though she knew what a useless emotion self-pity could be, she couldn't stop herself. The thought came unbidden, "Mom, I just wish you could tell me what to do. I don't know what to do. I need help."

Pulling the extra pillow into her arms, she rolled onto her side and snuggled into it. Wearing Booth's jersey and cuddling to the pillow, Brennan tried to convince herself that everything would be okay, that they would figure this out. She hit the sleep button on her radio and then pushed the button that switched over to her iPod. With the music playing in the background, the temporary comfort of his jersey wrapped around her and the pillow held tight in her arms, Temperance Brennan finally fell asleep.

She wasn't sure just what woke her. She felt disoriented. She could hear music in the background, and realized that it must be the music on her iPod. She couldn't have been asleep long if it was still playing. There seemed to be a light on somewhere else in her apartment when she was sure she had turned them all off before going to bed. She lay still for a few minutes to make sure there was no movement anywhere else in the apartment.

As Brennan lay there, she let her eyes adjust as she tried to figure out where the light was coming from. It was soft and had a pink hue, and she knew that she didn't have any lights in her apartment like that. She slowly realized that she wasn't scare or even worried, simply curious.

As a feeling of warmth and comfort suddenly came over her, the light got a little brighter and seemed to take a form – she peered into the darkness and gasped as she realized that it looked like her mother. As she watched, the figure moved and sat down on the edge of the bed next to her nightstand.

"It's a dream Temperance. You are dreaming. Your mother is not sitting here next to you" Her thoughts were clear, but then so was the figure looking down at her with love in her eyes.

Even as she tried to convince herself that what she was seeing wasn't real, the figure began speaking. "Temperance. I'm so sorry for your pain, my dear. I'm so sorry for so many things, but mostly, I am sorry for the pain that you continue to feel today because of your father and I leaving you and Russ. I know that Max has tried to explain it, and I know that in your scientific, logical manner you think you've made sense of it. But sweetheart, I also know that in your heart you are still hurting. I know you've built walls around your heart thinking that will protect you. It seems to make sense, doesn't it? That if you don't let anyone in, they can't hurt you. And Temperance, I know that you know what it is to be hurt. But, don't you see that by keeping other people out, you've jailed yourself inside?

"Seeley Booth is a good man, Temperance. He loves you. He loves you deeply. More than that, though, my dear, he cherishes you. You know that. You've seen it in his eyes, but you try to convince yourself otherwise, because you are afraid. Loving is about taking chances, and it Seeley Booth is a chance worth taking. The only way to move past your fear is to have faith. I know you are a scientist and that you scoff at faith, but sometimes you have to give faith a fighting chance.

"You know that you have faith in Booth. You know that you can count on him. That he will be there for you. But you're pushing him away, my love. At some point you have to trust. You've never settled for the path of least resistance, why would you do that now? You have to believe that you can step off that cliff and that he will be there to catch you. You know he will, he's done it before, and he'll do it again. But you have to take the risk, my sweet. It is up to you.

"I remember how, when you were little, you had that amazing sense of wonder about the world. Remember the time we went to Ocean City and you just stood staring at the ocean with your arms out stretched and you looked up at me and said, 'Mama, it makes me feel so small'? Try to recapture that sense my dear. He's worth it. You are worth it.

"Temperance, please know that I love you and I wish that I had never had to leave you. I do watch over you and I am so proud of the beautiful woman that you have become. You are not just a beautiful woman, but you have a beautiful heart, my dear. You are an amazing woman, and you do so much to help others. But at some point, Temperance, you have to tear down those walls and open those doors. If you want to find lasting happiness in this world, you have to let yourself out of the jail you've walled up around you and trust. I know that it is hard for you, but I also know that you can do it. You can do anything. And remember . . . I love you, Temperance. I love you."

The light streaming in the window brought her awake with a start. The bedsheets were tangled around her, and the pillow was still hugged in her arms, but the pain in her chest was gone. She felt a peace and a sense of wonder. As she stretched before getting out of bed, she realized that her iPod was still playing. As she listened, she realized that it was the Leann Womack song, 'I Hope You Dance.'

"How did it get to that playlist?" she wondered. She knew that it was there from when she and Booth did that undercover job in Wyoming.

Booth. It came back to her, his declaration in front of the Hoover building last night, sadly walking her to her car and her lonely drive home. She recalled last night's tears and then that very odd dream about her mother. But maybe her mother, even in a dream, was right. She did need to give him a chance. She had to take the risk. If anyone was worth the risk, it was Booth. It wasn't a logical thought, but it was the thought that felt right and she needed to let him know.

Picking up her phone to call him, she caught something out of the corner of her eye. When he answered, she told him, "Booth, I want to talk. I don't want you to move on. You said that you're that guy. I think that … I think that maybe I'm that girl."

As he responded with "I'll be right over" she reached out and picked up a small crystal dolphin sitting on her night stand.

Lyrics for "I hope you dance"

_I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance_

_Never settle for the path of least resistance_

_Living might mean taking chances, but they're worth taking_

_Loving might be a mistake, but it's worth making._

_Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter_

_When you come close to selling out reconsider,_

_Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance_

_And when you get the choice to sit out or dance_

_I hope you dance._

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><p>Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed it, please leave a review - now I know why other authors ask for them!<p> 


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